So I’m going to talk about the reality of being a mum. It’s fucking hard work. I’m not going to lie- I have been feeling a bit down at the moment because I feel fat, tired, (actually, make that exhausted!) ugly….I feel so drained because I have absolutely zero time to myself- I’m not eating properly and half the time I’ve even been forgetting to brush my teeth! I can’t be arsed to do my hair or makeup as I’m only in the house or at the gym! I’ve cried like a bitch when she’s had her jabs done, my anxiety went through the roof the day before she was due them! I hate it when my mum takes her for the day or having her over night as I just want her back! That leads the guilt I feel when I want time for myself and for even feeling this way! Especially when I’m upset! Oh and when you do get five minutes to yourself- your having to sterilise bottles, wash sicky/shitty clothes…just to repeat it over and over again until it’s time for ‘bed’, you know the thing your actually meant to relax in and get some ‘sleep’….Oh and don’t forget- you can’t just ‘pop to the shop’ anymore because you have to make sure you have your baby’s bag ready with bottles, milk, nappies, wipes, sick mops, dummies, (if your lucky your baby takes one as mine certainly doesn’t!) spare clothes, car seat, pram….a five minute outing easily turns into an hour! Then don’t forget the dirty looks when your baby is kicking off out in public or people passing comments and giving opinions….
Anyone that says this shit is easy is on crack. I’m not going to lie- I’ve also probably had this shit harder than others! The problem with being self employed, no maternity leave properly, my house as you know, (if you don’t, we had a major leak that has pretty much demolished my house) so that has been a mess and it’s STILL not done! I’ve also had a general anaesthetic to get my wisdom tooth out which was fucking agony- proper underestimated it to which oh- it got infected!!! So two weeks of not being able to talk properly, eat…..to run to the dentist to have it cleaned, packed and antibiotics to which I couldn’t consume alcohol again….
Honestly, this has been the hardest and shittest time (not Brooke obviously lol she’s not shit, just my situation is) of my entire life! How people do this over again is beyond me because it’s just the hardest thing in the world! It probably doesn’t help also that my baby can also be very difficult! We get massive kick off’s, we’re still no where near the stage of sleeping through…but then the second she smiles at you- that’s it and all is forgiven. I honestly can say though hand on heart- I could not do this job alone so seriously hats off to you single mums out there! Now don’t get me wrong- I love being a mum and I would not change anything for the world at all- I’ve taken to it like a duck to water- and I know everything is worth it- plus, I absolutely love Brooke more than fucking anything- you will never feel love like it. It just Motherhood is like pregnancy, every woman will have a completely different ride. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions! Would I go back to not having so much responsibility? Not a chance. My life has completely changed and yes it’s fucking hard and there are times when I hate/doubt myself and all this shit I’ve had- but I’m ploughing through and trying my best like every mum out there.
From a very knackered mum but an extremely cute baby ❤️