Right I had my ‘BF’ (bitch fit- white chicks) last week but I’m back on board! Literally everything was going wrong last week; my business, then my house, Brooke’s got reflux so she’s been really difficult and every time I tried to fix/solve a problem, about 4 were smacking me back! I have been down a lot but can you blame me?! This without a doubt has been the toughest time of my life. It’s enough of a challenge with a newborn, sleep deprived, hormones and all that without everything else going on! I can’t even have a bath/shower in my own house! It’s been really hard…
So firstly il talk about Brooke- she’s not been right herself the past week: really grouchy, screaming, hiccups and then she started to refuse milk and being sick, so then it was time to go to the doctors where they have said she’s got reflux!! It’s karma for giving it to me for 38+ weeks! 😂😂 Aww bless her, I can fully sympathise with her! She’s got to have the lovely gaviscon in with her milk now, it’s only been 2 days but she seems loads better! She’s also got colic so she has been hard work because she’s not been sleeping properly on the day/night and like I said, she’s been refusing feeds so she’s a bit all over! I’ve kept her bedtime routine going though so she has some normality still- it’s also been hard moving her about here, there and everywhere whilst we clean ourselves! MARE!
Now I’m going to talk about me. Not only mentally have I had a strain but I have physically too! I’ve already had my first period last week and that was horrible! I’m so self conscious about my body/ face, (I am still writing about my post partum body journey, so I won’t talk about this bit really) and thanks to hormones, I’m still suffering with some pregnancy symptoms,,,.tonsil stones. Devastated! I had a huge one lodged in so I had to get it out as it was causing pain! Still the grimmest thing ever. I’ve also had bad swelling in my feet and hands again too! Still can’t wear my engagement ring and ai can’t go and get our wedding bands yet because of it! I’ve got some water retention tablets to take to help get rid of it! I’ve also been getting physio on my neck because it’s buggered but the guy cracked my back and that’s also hurting! Doesn’t help when I’m slouching to feed Brooke! I still can’t train at the gym properly- all I’m allowed to do is walk but as usual, the weathers crap!!
So with everything….can I fix a problem. No. Can I change anything. No. So should I stress out and try? No. I’ve finally realised who I am! I am a control freak. I like things done a certain way and if it’s not then I freak out. I’ve also realised that I am a perfectionist. I don’t like it when my life’s in tatters because I want a perfect life! Stupid. Normally I don’t share my problems because I feel weak showing others my vulnerability but I’ve realised that when you are at a low point, it’s best to be an open book. Talking about a problem, helps to realise that it’s not all bad! I’m looking positively. It might be destined that Mark gets a new job. We were lucky I couldn’t bath or have Brooke in with me as we could have gone through the floor. I’m going to get a brand new bathroom, carpet, walls and I can choose everything and get some control back- 🤪 just kidding hahahahaha but I can do my favourite hobby which is interior design! I might even look at becoming an estate agent in the future because I’m so obsessed with homes lol! I don’t know what my life is anymore so I’m just going with it and trying to not stress and worry so much as my most important thing is Brooke.
At least you can get a glimpse of the bathroom!