Where to start! First things first I’m utterly and completely in love with Brooke it’s insane! Literally, I’ve never felt this way about anything in my life! The way she looks at me with her massive blue eyes, when I feed her and sing to her and she grabs my finger and looks at me, the little noises she makes, the wind ‘smiles’, (seriously, I can’t wait until we get real smiles as these fake ones melt me!) her snoring, her smell- especially after a bath! Honestly if they could bottle a newborn baby smell mixed with Johnson’s baby bath, it would beat Mademoiselle for me!! I love her little pout…..she’s just perfect and I’ve never been so in love. It’s a hard job- I’m not going to lie! I’ve had a couple of melt downs and I’ve been exhausted and I’ve needed some me time- I feel fine but I’m desperate to get back to the gym and I’m frustrated I still can’t bath yet so I feel grim and I look grim despite everyone telling me otherwise! 😂😂 It weird to imagine her not being here with us now!
I think the hardest things of becoming a mother are;
- Tiredness- 100% the hardest! Probably more so for me as most new mums will get a proper maternity leave which means they can rest properly…I don’t! Plus the new neighbour next door has been placed so more noise. Wooo! So this ‘sleep when baby sleeps’ is utter bullshit to me! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a bedtime routine from day 1 so she usually does sleep well- she just wakes for her feed every 3/4 hours but we’ve had a few nights of colic and constipation so that’s been tough at times! I’ve been sleeping on the sofa in the week whilst Marks been working so he can rest but when I get too knackered from staying awake and watching the Inbetweeners after I’ve fed her because I’m then awake, I have to get him to swap with me! So there’s a tip if your a mum to be- even when you don’t feel tired, subliminally you are! Don’t do anything but try and sleep otherwise it’s worse! So when it comes to the weekend, I’m in bed bitcheessss and Mark will take her down when she starts! Hats off to you single mums out there- I think I’d struggle if I was on my own, I’d have to move in with my mum even though she’d get on my tits haha!
- Hormones. Yes- they are fucking horrendous. I feel extremely sensitive at the moment! Anyone so much as raises a voice to me and I cry like a bitch! I’m extremely self conscious of myself at the moment too- I know I’ve just had a baby, but I can’t help it! As the weeks are plodding on, (can you believe she’ll be 5 weeks on Monday!!!!) I am slowly getting back to ‘normal’ but very hard when your tired! Still, when my mum takes her for a bit so we can sleep- I just cry. For them first few split seconds, I actually want to die! I feel nothing when she’s not here!! Takes me a good half an hour to pull myself together- crazy! I’m getting a bit better at that now too as I know that if I don’t look after myself, I can’t look after her to the best of my ability- which takes me to….
- Time. Sounds funny really but you really feel like you have zero time to yourself anymore! When your not feeding/cuddling/winding the baby, your sterilising bottles ahead for your next feed and before you know it, your back to feeding!! Brooke’s times her feeds bloody perfectly- the second I go to make my tea or I sit down to eat it, she starts! So I’m barely eating and when I do, 9/10 it’s cold! I still can’t bath yet, (a week on Monday, not like I’m counting or anything….🤪) so I’m sure when I do, I can have my me time then and proper relax! Me and Mark get our time together again when my mum has her- he just has to bare with the tears at first haha! We’ve got a night away together next week though so I can’t wait! And it has a jacuzzi bath! 😍😍
All this as well as the stages of recovery when your in pain….it’s hard, but I wouldn’t change anything in the world about my life now! I don’t overall actually care about the above points mentioned because I’d do anything for her! There have been times where I’ve sat up all night with her, I love singing to her- I’m going to make sure she likes decent music haha!! I also know this phase won’t last forever also, she will one day sleep through, so I’m just winging it to be honest! It might sound bad but I can’t wait until she’s like 4/5 months old! That’s my favourite age but at the same point, I’m enjoying every bit of her like this! Like I said above- we have been having a bit of a colic stage so we’ve been on the Infacol and the gripe water haha but nothing really works that great to be honest! We even tried the comfort milk for colic and constipation but all that did was bung her up more and make her shit green haha and sometimes, she’ll cry for nothing because she’s a baby! My mum tries to find a fault, ‘oh she looks in pain’, she’s not believe me, it’s usually because she’s greedy and wants more milk or she wants a cuddle lol, ‘oh she has spots on her face, looks like a rash’, no Mum they are milk spots…hahaha honestly even I’m not like that over her! Maybe I should be I don’t know haha! Health visitors are happy with her and everything we’re doing- so that’s fine by me! I’ve booked on a postnatal yoga class and I can take madam with me! That should be fun- imagine if she cries the whole time! 😂😂 But it’s so I can work on myself and getting back in shape! I’ve also been looking at swimming sessions for her in November as she is a lot better in the bath now but she’s still not a water baby, (ironic when her name is Brooke) but with us going to Florida in January- I want her to get used to the pool! I still need to get her passport sorted! I have a feeling it’s all just going to be mad and manic until January and until the wedding but then we should finally get a bit of normality back!