Ouch. Second time going to the toilet for a poo and oh my gosh….absolute flamin’ agony!!!!!! Really painful!! My bits are sorer than ever because of where the stitches are! All I can do is get in the shower and wee myself in there so the water helps with the stinging! Really good advice if your in the same boat or this happens to you. I’d heard about keeping pads in the fridge but it personally didn’t work for me! It’s a shame as now my boobs aren’t hurting and all my swelling has gone- this is the only problem to deal with now. The worst part was later on in the day, I’d gone for another poo and it was worse! I thought that it didn’t seem right and then I remembered I had a haemorrhoid before labour so I had a check and oh yes!! That’s why it was hurting so much!! I just used good old metanium and managed to get a doctors appointment as hell no way on earth was I going to suffer with them bastard things whilst already in pain! Weight is falling off without even doing anything- all I’ve been doing is eating my healthy meal preps but I’ve noticed (in my mind) bad stretch marks on my tummy from where I’ve lost the weight so rapidly. I’m not overly bothered- those marks show the best thing in the world happened to me- my Brookie!! I’m using bio oil and hopefully when I can get back training, they won’t look as bad!
So went to the doctors and she checked me over- got some cream for my haemorrhoids and she said how good my stitches were looking and how neat they looked and whoever did it has done a good job lol!! I mentioned about the stingy bit and said how painful it was and she said it could be like that for a while but it’s looking better and healing well. I still can’t bear to look! 😔 She was more concerned about reading how much blood is lost and yet I don’t feel like I’m anaemic! I feel more lethargic at times but I’m putting that to getting up every morning at 5am with little miss! I just feel sore from that fucking stingy bit lol! Like I said too, I just want a bath as it feels better whilst I’m in and after a shower but hey ho! 🙄
Day 10 & Day 11
Well apart from some painful poo’s due to haemorrhoids and being a tad sore below obviously, I actually don’t feel too bad! I’m now not taking any tablets apart from my iron ones and ibuprofen as I personally feel like I don’t need anything else! Apart from having visitors and running errands, nothing much going on so no point me waffling on!
So Brooke’s little photoshoot today! This was eventful lol! Firstly I’d been up at 5am with her and had a bit of diarrhoea so I was worried that I’d have it all day. Luckily not! Me and my mum took her to her shoot as to be honest, I thought Mark would end up getting bored whereas my mum would love it! So firstly, I couldn’t work out how to get the car seat to attach to the pram- stupid travel system! Honestly, why the fuck are these contraptions so difficult!!! Anyway, we got told not to bring a pram as the studio was up two flights of stairs so I just thought I’d take the car seat as I could carry her up the stairs in that and she wouldn’t be in it long! I just couldn’t get it on as not really had a good play around with the pram so I just ended up lugging her about in the car seat which was fine. Secondly- the shoot was going brilliantly and she was really good through it but she did start winding up for a bottle. I’d asked my mum to grab one and throw it in the changing bag to which she did but we’re using Mam bottles and she didn’t put in the rubber thing out of the bottom which means the milk just pisses out! Lucky we were in the town centre so I sent her to boots to just grab a starter pack! 😂😂 Brooke had that and was fine again so we continued with her shoot but when the photographer went to get a photo of her feet, she asked me to hold her bum up which ended up with her pissing on me! 😂😂😂 Honestly! What s pissing morning lol! When the shoot finished, me and my mum grabbed a bite to eat and got back. Me and mark then popped to his mum and dads where we weren’t going to be long but turns out we were and I hadn’t grabbed her changing bag like a dumbass- but again, j didn’t anticipate a long stay…Brooke got really cranky as she had really bad trapped wind and then was hungry! I was the one trying to calm her and I was getting stressed because I didn’t grab her bag! Baby brain is unreal because I really do feel like a potato and even though I look after kids, having a newborn is totally new to me! I’m not used to having to be mega organised and going out is no longer ‘right I’m ready let’s go’, it’s getting a bag, having everything in it for every case scenario, car seat….nightmare basically!! 😂😂 I’m being easy on myself though, it’s not even been 2 weeks and I’m smashing my recovery when they said it would take 8-12 weeks! I’ll get used to it soon lol!
Hormonal mess. I don’t know what the hell is up with me today! Firstly after yesterday where Brooke was cranky, she’d woke up at 4am instead of 5am and she just wasn’t settling! She’s in pain with all her trapped wind bless her! So I took her downstairs, gave her a bottle and we had a cuddle and chill- I even cried singing to her again! It’s like certain songs have deeper meanings to them thanks to the lyrics and then for some reason I was thinking in my head ‘I’m actually scared to die one day because I never want to not to be there for her’. Fuck sake honestly! I’ve never been bothered about dying, unfortunately it’s life! I don’t even know why the thought entered my mind lol! So eventually she did settle and I stopped being a mard arse lol so I went to lie down on the sofa when I farted and shat myself. Fabulous. So I left her in her Moses basket whilst I Usain Bolted’ it to the bathroom and yeah- absolute mess we shall say. Then I vomited so after cleaning it all up and sorted myself out, by the time I came back down, it happened again!!!!! So repeat of what just happened then Brooke woke up again and was awake until 11:30am in which time, I had to get ready because we were going to my mums for a barbecue and she could show Brooke off to people who hadn’t met her! Anyway, later on in the evening when we’d got home, I was sore from just sitting up all day and all I wanted to do was lie down and chill. I’d barely eaten all day because my stomach felt off all day and I was tired…I started sterilising all her bottles and just burst into tears! I came in the living room to get something and Mark was sat with Brooke wondering what the hell was wrong with me! I sat down and he went to put Brooke in the Moses basket to comfort me but I told him to just leave me and give me a minute. He looked at me all concerned whilst I slouched in Baymax, (pregnancy pillow, which by the way, is much better for after birth! Great support whilst feeding the baby!) and asked me what was wrong to which I replied, ‘I don’t know!’ So we both started laughing! I think it was the fact I was tired, sore and felt unwell! Honestly! I’ve been really worried about getting post natal as I have and still suffer occasionally with spouts of mental health issues. I NEVER use it as an excuse for anything, I just plod on and when it’s really bad, I tend to shut myself away for a day and then I pull myself together but I don’t want to have all this shit now I have her! I’m determined to not get depressed and spoil this time with her. I’ve gone through enough crap this year without enjoying her! End of.
So today we had the health visitor and she was really lovely! Turns out she’s also pregnant with her first baby haha so she was giving me baby advice whilst I was talking to her about labour as she’s terrified! See, even the professionals get nervous about child birth! I asked her about Brooke’s wind- it’s honestly not that bad but she is suffering at times but she’s eating and pooing fine- she just mentioned about infacol so I’ve ordered her some and we’ve booked on a class to learn baby massage as that can really help! I like the thought of doing that anyway as me and Mark love a good pamper so if we can pamper her then even better- plus if we can help her not be in pain then that’s a bonus! We then headed off to Costco to stock up ready for Mark to start back at work tomorrow- god it took us so long to get round as everyone was coming over to admire her haha!! Mark felt like an extremely proud dad whilst I’m trying to not forget what I’m getting due to baby brain Hahahaha!!
So quick update now as I’m not going to write everyday of my life when I actually feel 100% my old self now lol! I’d say I’d bore you but the amount of other things that have happened…Let’s just say my life is far from boring lol! But yes, I’m not sore anymore, my boobs have stopped leaking, I still get extremely hormonal at times- I’m extremely sensitive at the moment and feeling stressed- not with baby but just in general people mithering me and asking me to do stuff for them when my head is just not in it! People commenting on what I should and shouldn’t do with her…..but I’m too focused on Brooke which is exactly what I should be! Fuck everyone quite frankly as what does anyone do for me apart from cause me stress! I also get tired at times obviously and I’m trying to rest as and when I can- hard when you can hear loads of kids running around the house! Some parents aren’t also getting used to the fact I’m not working, I’m getting messages left, right and centre because they are seeing me sat in the living room in the morning, appearing fine but it’s hard as it is obviously my home AND workplace. It’s a tough balance! And hats fucking off to you single mums out there as I couldn’t imagine doing this on my own! But to all you fellow mums out there- we are all winging it and we got this! 💪🏻 My body seems to be getting back to normal too- I’ll be doing a postpartum blog post about my body at some point! The only thing I will say is my ribs still hurt, especially the side that Brooke’s foot was in haha!! I genuinely think it’s cracked or fractured but no point in any commotion over it as nothing anyone can do to fix it lol! I’ve also had a letter through to get my wisdom tooth out now too so il end up being back in bastard hospital soon!! Honestly, after this year I want a fucking year hospital free!! I mean a year stress free also would be awesome but don’t think that will ever happen until the day I drop down dead.