So after labour and after Mark’s story of events, (which by the way, we realised we left off the fact she had the cord wrapped around her neck!) all I remember is waking up sitting in a wheelchair on a drip in the delivery suite. Next thing I knew is my mum, her husband, my nana, grandad and everyone trying to ring me! I had no idea what had just happened, I just saw Mark holding Brooke and me feeling mongy haha!! Then literally I don’t remember a lot, I just remember being put on the ward and had family visiting then I could feel the epidural wearing off and I was just in absolute agony. It was just the worst pain I’d ever been in in my life. I had to get up for a wee which I was dreading but it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be! It was where I had torn near my bum that was excruciating. I felt really lethargic and absolutely shit but having hold of Brooke just massively helped!! I don’t know- just everytime I’ve got hold of her, I don’t care about the pain! Not going to lie though, aftercare of the birth, is crap. I had no one check on me, no pain relief given for about 6 hours, no food as I’d missed meal time on the ward so I just got given a crappy sandwich and a yoghurt with no spoon! 😂😂 Eventually when a midwife did come to see me, I lost my shit and I told her how pissed off I was as I thought I was being allowed home, (we were told that before taking us to that ward) yet no one had been in to monitor me or the baby and I’d been begging for pain relief- my mum even grabbed a doctor and I cried to him but I still hadn’t been given any. I did apologise to her and said it wasn’t her fault but come on! Turns out she was the main midwife in charge so flipping out at her did work as she went off and got a trainee to sit with me who went through the entire menu for me to order what I wanted to eat the whole time I was there, whilst she went to bollock a few people and came back to do all the tests on me and Brooke! She was really lovely and made sure we were fine and she gave me some morphine but sadly explained I wasn’t going home until Tuesday because of my blood loss- they wanted to keep me monitored closely. I was gutted. I just wanted to be in my own bed.
Before I knew it, it was approaching 10pm which is when Mark had to leave! I’ve never wanted him so much in all my life! Just found it extremely daunting being left on my own with Brooke- not because I’m scared of being on my own with a baby- but because I was on so many tablets at this point, I’d felt wired. I hadn’t slept since Saturday night due to me obviously being in hospital all of Sunday then going into labour so I was exhausted…I was scared I wouldn’t be able to care for Brooke to the best of my ability! He didn’t want to leave either but what can you do! We had a little emotional goodbye and I got him to pass Brooke to me so I could hold her. I started to feel tired around midnight so I gave her a bottle and then placed her in the cot next to me. The thing I did like about that was the cot was see through so we could look at each other. It also wasn’t too deep so it meant I could hold her hand. We were both knackered but all the other babies were screaming and my bastard bed was right next to the bin so all night we were getting disturbed by people binning shit, (which was making her jump lol) but then we’d have a chill and a baby would go off which would then set the others off!! She didn’t cry once. Even when she was given a vitamin k injection after delivery, she didn’t flinch! Hard as nails my baby lol! Anyway….we were both wide awake but we must of dozed off and had about 20 minutes sleep when I heard what sounded like her choking! I opened my eyes and just saw her arms and legs waving frantically and her gagging! I fucking shit myself! I was straight out of my bed and grabbed her out of the cot and started to wind her and she just projectile vomited everywhere non stop- it was coming out of her nose and everything! I took her out in the corridor and asked a midwife if she was ok and she said she was fine- it was just mucus- apparently forcep delivered babies and c section babies have it worse, something to do with the shortness of coming through the birth canal, I said I was terrified incase she choked on it and she said it wouldn’t happen so to put her back down and try and rest….I felt really uneasy about it but thought, ok! Went back to my bed and went to put her in the cot when immediately she did it again! I thought fuck this- I can’t leave her in a cot when she’s doing that!!! I know I was probably just being silly but no one told me about the mucus and honestly, I’m not a jumpy person normally but that, hands down, is the scariest thing I’d ever witnessed. I was in tears, I was texting Mark at 03:40am saying how tired I was and how much it was just the worst night of my life. He was messaging me back which was calming me down and making me feel better which gave me a kick up the arse to get through the night as best as I could. I gave Brooke a bottle and winded her, then I needed a wee so I just buzzed for someone as there was no way I could leave her- even if it was for a second!! The midwife came in and laughed at me for staying awake and said I could have left her alone to go for a wee so I just told her to stay with her as I didn’t give a shit about whether I’m a fruit loop or not, that was what I wanted so she waited for me- I went as fast as I could. Funny as when I got back to my bed, the midwife looked concerned and said about Brooke having bad trapped wind and then mucus started to come out! She offered to take her for a bit so I could rest which I thought was nice but I didn’t want her out of my sight! She came back about 5am to see how we were and was laughing at how well I’d done to stay awake! Pissed me off though as I heard other women tutting at their babies crying and one just snored all the way through their baby crying!! I couldn’t understand how anyone could do that! One even buzzed the midwife at 6am and said, ‘Why it cry all night?!’ IT!!! How could you call your own newborn an IT!! Here’s me sat up all night because I was terrified mine would choke! So I only had 35 minutes sleep in 3 days…
Anyway, Brooke got her payback as she did her first poo and she screamed the ward down hahaha! Karma!! First time she’s ever cried too!! Soon enough, Mark was back first thing and he felt so sorry for us both as we were both knackered. I ended up gabbing to the girl next to me who I didn’t know, had also sat up all night too! We could have joined forces lol! So when Mark got to me, he was trying to make me go down to sleep but all the lights were back on and babies were crying then people were coming round to do checks- then at 11am, they said the doctors were coming round and we’d definitely be going home!!! I was so giddy! My mum came and dropped some more milk off for us and I had some lunch then I did manage to have 30 mins sleep!!! I went for a shower and started to pack my stuff and then a doctor came round- he said I was fine to go so they just had the newborn checks on baby to do and then if she was ok, we could go!! Music to my ears haha!! I got Brooke dressed ready to go home in her amazing Baker baby outfit which buried her, and the Bounty photographer was meant to come round- left us out though!! That pissed me off lol but I wasn’t overly arsed because I’ve got her booked in for a couple of newborn shoots!! I’ve also got her booked in for a hand and foot casting…Anyway I’m waffling now! We managed to get seen at 18:00pm for her newborn check and I’m not going to lie, when they were pushing on her, especially near her bits, she was really crying and I had to fight back from crying myself!! I also felt like punching the nurse pushing on her lol! Seriously though, her crying like that broke my fucking heart. We got given the all clear and the midwife went and sorted her little red book out and we were good to go! They got me a wheelchair so we got Brooke in her car seat and put it on top of my lap whilst mark was pushing me to the car- no way I could walk that far! Once in the car, it felt weird leaving the hospital as we’d been there so many times for appointments! On the journey home, Mark was driving so carefully which is not like him 😂😂 however, every lump and bump on the road was pure torture on my bits haha but every second was getting us closer to home…..
I was a wreck when we got in. I think it was a mixture of all the drugs I was on, the fact I’d not slept properly in 3 days but also: the realisation it was all over!! The moment I’ve been hoping for and anticipating for 38+ weeks! Mark told me to go to bed whilst he sorted Brooke out and made me some tea. He came up with me to make sure I was ok and gave me a kiss on the head and as he walked out the room, I broke my heart!! I didn’t want to be on my own and I hadn’t been parted from Brooke! I did end up drifting off for an hour then woke up hallucinating so I was screaming Mark but realised what I saw, wasn’t even there by the time he came in! He calmed me down and brought me downstairs, passed me my tea and we both ended up having a cry because it is the realisation I’ve done it!!! The thing I feared most in life- child birth and after such a shit, hard time during pregnancy, she’s here- absolutely perfect! We’re soooooo happy it’s not insane!