So close yet so far….

26835CD2-EEF0-4477-A20B-9DF2DD15DF77.jpegWhat a piggin’ start to this week! I had a midwife appointment on Tuesday, haven’t seen her in a while and first thing she said was that I was her only one to see today as one had gone into labour this morning and the other has just delivered! I joked and said ‘Let’s make it a hat trick then! Hopefully me soon!’ So then we were having a good natter about the wedding as my Midwife’s daughter is getting married soon also- chin wagging away whilst she did my blood pressure, urine sample and growth check, (baby is engaged too) which were all absolutely fine and then she went to listen to baby’s heartbeat when it was between 166-180bpm!! It’s only meant to be between 110-160bpm so she said she’d have to send me into hospital for a proper monitor! I asked her what was going to happen worst case scenario and she said they would probably either induce me or potential c section….Then she’s asking me if I’m 100% sure my waters haven’t gone so of course I’m starting to panic! My face went bright red because I’m hot and anxious! She’s on the phone to Triage whilst I’m texting Mark at home who was minding the 3 kids we had in, telling him to ring all the parents ASAP as we had to go to hospital so this is what the messages looked like…. 😂😂😂


I raced (as fast as my prego body will get me lol) my way back home, on phone to my mum one hand, inhaler in the other as I couldn’t get my breath! Trying to tell her what’s going on then thought I had to let my dad know as his friend was dropping something off at mine….to get home to a panicky Mark who’s bombarding me with every question you can think of so I’m telling him everything, all parents were on route, he’s running round grabbing all my bags and putting them in the car…😂😂😂 Luckily I suppose I am well organised! We managed to get to the hospital 40 minutes later where we just had to wait a bit for a bed and then I was straight in and all monitored up! I then spent 40 minutes on the monitor watching her heartbeat go from 110 up to 180bpm in seconds and why?! Because she’s so pissing active!!!! Apparently all completely normal! When she’s all nice and calm her heart is 136bpm but yes, she likes to practice her martial arts haha!! Even the midwives were saying they couldn’t believe how active she is and that she’s going to be an Olympic gold medalist! 😂😂😂 Oh and they all felt incredibly sorry for me and said how hard it must be! Anyway, they were happy enough for us to go home so then it was letting everybody know that the baby was just having a rave. 🙄 So typical of my child, wouldn’t it be!! Anyway a Burger King and a nap made me feel better- until later on I had some spaghetti and a magnum and threw the entire contents up in the bathroom sink. 😩 That’s been the WORST sickness so far! I had to send Mark to the shop to get me a Fanta as I literally couldn’t drink anything else! Oh and to top it off- I have what is the world’s largest haemorrhoid EVER sticking out!! I wouldn’t even mind but I’ve not even been to the toilet!!!! My arsehole is literally on fucking fire and I’m struggling to even sit down!!! I’ve been using coconut oil and Epsom salts in warm baths and wiping my arse with witch hazel wipes and I had to try and shove the fucking thing back in!!! But no, it’s just been coming straight back out!! Honestly I can’t tell you how fucking painful it is!!! I’ve been struggling that much with it that I’ve had to even try metanium on it! I don’t care how big it is as long as it’s not hurting!!! I’m sure otherwise this is going to make child birth a whole lot more fun! 🙌🏼🙌🏼 Oh but just a word of wisdom to any fellow sufferers of these bastard things…..METANIUM!!! It’s 100% helped the pain!

Oh and to top it off, I can’t sleep due to my arse hurting or being sick and neighbours were screaming, ‘Fucking move it’ at 5am this morning?!?! Honestly no consideration for anyone this fucking road!!! Luckily all my loud ones will be pissing off soon as one household fuck off in their caravan wherever for the 6 weeks half term and the neighbour next door obviously passed a few weeks ago and the family have now emptied it out so that’s good! I’ve had a disaster time with parcels: I ordered us new bedding, (I have a weird thing for bedding?) which delayed my order and then got an email to say it had sold out. 🙄 Then I bought a dress like 7 weeks ago on Depop and the bitch proper stringed me along with the whole, ‘I’ve posted it’, bullshit. She hadn’t so of course you ask for a refund and you get ignored so I’ve had to open a case on PayPal….Oh and I asked my dad if he could get me a new microwave as ours has broke and I’ve bought baby a microwave steriliser so obviously, I need one ASAP! He’d ordered it on Sunday last week and they still hadn’t dispatched it by Thursday so he had to cancel it and I had to order one with Amazon so luckily it came yesterday……Honestly!! Looking forward to cracking open that vodka let me tell you!!!! Bottle for her, bottle for me! 😂😂 

So yes I’m hot, swollen, sick, haemorrhoided up to my eyeballs and in pain oh, and I’m carrying an Olympic demon who is fighting to come through my stomach instead of my cervix!! Send help! 

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