I’m laying it out there this blog post- and I don’t give two shits. I’ve done nothing but try and be a decent human being. I’ve never hurt anyone’s feelings, I’ve always put others before myself, I work hard, I’m not nasty nor vindictive…..yet I cannot actually believe how many people have shit on me- not just in general, but in this 37 weeks alone!!!! Is it not enough that I’ve felt like shit everyday this entire time without being taken on by literally everyone and everything!!!! Enough is enough now- I’m literally at breaking point!! I don’t care if I’m about to sound ‘unprofessional’ right now either, I couldn’t give a fuck….. I spent years not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I was bullied all the way through school, I left with barely any qualifications and I started college with no motivation to do anything because I just didn’t know what to do with my life! I did beauty, hated it. Tried hairdressing, hated it. Went for jobs instead and even though I did them, I hated them. I got into working with children and I love it because no day is the same and your always busy- plus it’s very fun and rewarding! I’m really good at my job too, I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about that- example, after 3 months at my first nursery, I was made Deputy Manager. Your going to ruffle feathers and everyone works differently. I’m not Mary Poppins believe me!!! But I pretty much ran that nursery on my own. Let me tell you, working with children- it’s one difficult job! It’s extremely stressful at times, it’s extremely exhausting and you put yourself at risk every single day. There’s a lot of liability behind it. I worked my arse off to be qualified and knew one day I wanted to do it for myself so I took that plunge 2 years ago. Business was absolutely booming, Marks job was going to pot so he jumped on board with me and we both absolutely love it…. however since being pregnant, I’ve lost quite a bit of business, 2 of which have left me this week which really upsets me. We have only taken days off for our scans/appointments together which have only been about 3/4 days I think, we had a week booked off in June which was a holiday, as I’ve mentioned in a previous post and I had 2 days off when I was in Triage poorly. So let’s say I’ve had 10 days off- most with 4 weeks notice in 7 months… I know I can’t tell people an exact date she’s coming and I totally understand that people have to arrange alternative arrangements but it’s the way again to which everything has been handled by other people! Let me tell you, being self-employed is great in a lot of ways, but it’s also absolutely shit. Some people think because you work with children, you’re thick as shit and all you get to do all day is ‘play’ which yes, we do have a lot of fun but actually, I have to run a business as well!! I do mountains of paperwork: accounts, risk assessments, development checks etc as well as care for children of all ages, cook, clean, give advice to people etc. It’s hard work!! Everyone who comes in says, ‘I couldn’t do your job’….not a lot of people could, let me tell you! It just really upsets and deflates me that I love all the kids I care for like they are my own. I try my utter best, every day to make sure they are all safe, happy, clean and they are having fun and yet I have been treated poorly by some parents! Most have been amazing at this time though and I’m extremely grateful! The worst part is that this all happens in my own home! There is no escape for me! Like I said, I wanted to do this and I do love it- but when people drop you in it last minute and with a baby on the way…I just don’t need the stress! 😩 All I feel like doing is giving up right now and crying about it, but I can’t and trust me, I don’t intend on doing- it’s just been yet another hard week and I just don’t know how to keep getting through! Sorry but I am only human and no one is ever 100% happy in their job- we all have good/bad days!
Not only work related but obviously I think people established in my ‘week from hell’ post that I’ve lost friends too. My two ‘best friends’ of ten years which has resolved in my hen do being cancelled as well as wedding invites being torn up and bridesmaids dresses being sold….. So seriously, I know people find out who their true friends are pregnant but losing all this shit and receiving shit after shit each week?! Surely can’t be normal at all!! Maybe this is why I’ve had such a bad pregnancy! I’ve just not had any time to relax and try to enjoy it because of all this added stress and shit! Now you probably understand why I cannot do this ever again!! The only things that have kept me going is the baby and Mark. She’s stopped me losing my shit and Mark’s supported me this whole time! All it’s made us now is stronger and absolutely unbreakable. I swear if I didn’t have this baby and him and all this shit happened- I really don’t think I’d be here! Sorry for this long, depressing post but I’m not ashamed to talk about my feelings. I literally am struggling and I’ve been really down this week! I just want to thank all my true friends for being there for me. Even a simple call or message from you means a lot!! Seriously the baby needs to come soon so I can have a vodka! 🤪 I currently feel as shit as I did right back at the start of this pregnancy- if not worse!! I’m constantly feel sick- really vomiting at times, I’m boiling hot all the time to the point where I feel like I could pass out! I think I’m getting carpel tunnel in my hands because of how badly they are swelling and how sore they are- I feel like I’ve put my hand on a hob and I have burnt myself- almost like a prickly heat sensation! I’m tired all the time, I’m literally waking up every hour in the night and I’m soaking wet and just can’t get back off! Then around 2pm, I’m knackered and have to have a nap. Then usually wake up feeling worse!!! My skin on my shoulders is peeling and feels like dermatitis just because of how dry it is- no amount of moisturiser or coconut oil is helping and my hair is still snapping away……I’m just so drained and in so desperate need of a break. This was why I was looking forward to my hen do- which has obviously ended up getting cancelled. So il have to wait until January for the wedding!
Please someone, can I have a break or can someone just come and deposit a large amount money in my account! 😂😂😂 I know everything will work out, as I’ve said before, I’m a massive believer in fate and I’m sure that all this bad stuff was meant to happen before my baby arrives! I just want a fresh start!