This week has got to easily one of the worst weeks I’ve ever had in my life. We had a phone call last week that Marks Mum was in hospital, I’ve been majorly treated like shit by people, my neighbour is apparently dying of bowel cancer so her grandson and whole tribe of skanks have been blaring music, decorating the house and fucking making ridiculous amounts of noise, I’ve had another chest infection followed by glorious tonsil stones, my sciatica is back which means I’m barely sleeping again, I am trying to sleep with two fans on pointing at me because it’s ridiculously hot outside and every morning at 2/3am, I’m getting acid reflux that bad, I’m wide awake vomiting……At a time where I should be relaxing and chilling out- I’m a massive ball of stress with no release at all, no consideration from people, I’m just so upset and fucking done.
I’m so glad I’m pregnant. This baby is my saviour- she is giving me every piece of fight I have left. I would have easily done something fucking stupid if I wasn’t carrying my baby. It’s completely giving me a new lease of life. Everything that was once important to me, is completely insignificant. All I need is my Mark, baby and my two beautiful cats. I know exactly who else deserves me and I’ve realised who really is a friend and who genuinely cares for me. It’s an absolute miracle really that all this stress hasn’t caused me to lose my baby. I hate having to even think that, let alone say it! Terrible isn’t it!!! I thought when I found out I was pregnant, I wasn’t ready and it wasn’t the right time but I’m a huge believer in fate. I have tattooed on me ‘everything happens for a reason’ and now I can see exactly why- I was ready and this is the right time because I needed to change and grow up. I just wish this process wasn’t making me so poorly but I know she’s absolutely fine so that’s all I care about now and now it’s my time to focus everything I have into myself and her. Nothing else is important.
So to try and relax, I’ve ordered myself a book by Sarah Knight called ‘The Life-Changing Magic of not giving a Fuck’. I saw it on someone’s Instagram story and was intrigued so I googled it and as I read a sample on my kindle, it made me chuckle! If you haven’t seen it then download a free sample on kindle or google it and have a look! But basically it’s about the writer saying, ‘Why should we keep giving a fuck about everyone and everything that clearly don’t give a fuck about us or why are we giving a fuck to something that we don’t want to do?!’ I’m looking forward to a good read from someone else on my wave length as I have no faith in the human race anymore. Me and Mark have a week off together now- a little baby moon! So I’m going to try my hardest to relax now and enjoy time with him before our baby arrives. I won’t be picking up my phone nor answering any messages to anyone I don’t want to speak to so if you think this means you, then it does. I’m not having more of my time being spoilt by selfish, nasty twats.