Becoming more stable!


Ok, I’m now 17 glorious weeks in…that was a joke! 🤪 so I’ll start off with my 16 week midwife appointment at my doctors that I had last week. I went and sat there waiting for 35 minutes in one of those horrible, uncomfortable, itchy chairs haha to finally get called in! The lady I saw was fairly nice and just looked at my notes and checked my blood pressure, (I never understand why it’s always low when I’m a hot headed stress head lol) asking me why I had oral thrush as it’s not something adults tend to get so I had to explain that, then she said about the flu jab so I told her I needed it….FUCK ME! She wiped my arm and got out the needle (which you know, I’m not bothered about them) but just gave me no indication of it and stabbed me right in the bloody bicep with the fucker!!! Could feel it stinging away going in and then it felt like I’d been punched like back in high school when giving dead arms were in! 😂😂 I even said ‘Jesus that’s a bastard!’ She just smirked! Bitch! 🤪 Then she took me in a room with a bed to listen to babies heartbeat- still makes me nervous hearing it! She was faffing about trying to find it but that is because the baby likes to be really low down unless it gets hungry 😂😂 (that’s when I know I need to eat something) but she found it and went ‘Oh, he’s got a nice clear heartbeat’, I’m there thinking, don’t say shit like this to me haha! I’m dying to know what I’m having! Everyone keeps guessing that it’s a girl and like I said, I’m not bothered either way but it was actually weird having a professional saying ‘he’ 😂😂 It’s made me even more eager to find out what we’re having!!! Again I think Mark was a bit gutted that he couldn’t come with me as he loved being involved in everything! I hate it when he’s not with me because we’re a team and it’s our baby! I keep saying mine at the moment but theoretically, it just feels like it’s mine because it’s in my body and it’s me experiencing the pregnancy! I sooooo wish men could just experience what it’s like for one day! Just so they could understand and appreciate a bit more of the shit we have to deal with! 😂😂

So other than sciatica now which is making me want to amputate my left leg from my arse- I’m struggling to sleep so badly! The stupid flu jab was done in my left arm and the night of having that done, I couldn’t lie on that side which ironically is the same side my hip is killing with this shitty sciatic nerve, the baby somehow has decided that it doesn’t like me sleeping on my right side! So all night I’m constantly tossing and turning! I’m then roasting hot but then freezing cold and then, I have to deal with being tired and grumpy all day! I’m awful when I don’t sleep! And then some dickhead will say ‘practice for when the baby comes along’ 🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼hahahahaha! As you can tell, people are still getting on my incredibly sore tits! That’s another reason I can’t sleep! When I’m tossing and turning, my bloody boobs are just aching sooo badly! I miss my not really existent B’s! I never had any tit growing pains lol just had really bad growing pains in my legs! Never ending story they get called. 😂😂 The baby has long legs too judging from the scan!

BUT: when I do sleep- I sleep!!! The only other issue then though is the weird fucking dreams I’ve been experiencing!!!! They can literally be about anything! They all seem so realistic as well! I’ve had a dream about a snake trying to attack me! I woke up with a massive jump, which I like snakes so no idea what that was about lol! I’ve dreamt about loads of silly, everyday, little things which feel really real! But one night, I slept on one side, whilst trying to toss and turn to get comfy, and dreamt I was having a girl- then dreamt about all the shit I’ve ever had…(il speak a little about it but won’t go into everything as it’s not stuff I want to share with the world, but I’ve had so many weird experiences as I child) so when I was about 6, I almost got abducted in Italy, I had someone look at me under a public toilet door when I was having a wee which really freaked me out, I still avoid public toilets (as much as I can) like the clap, I’ve had a stalker who used to watch me at work whilst playing with himself……and many other horrible shit…..basically I woke up petrified thinking, ‘fuck if it’s a girl, I’m never, ever going to let her go through any of what I did’, I’d physically fucking kill someone that hurts or touches my daughter!! (Oh I am also aware that this could happen to a boy too and trust me, I’d be the exact same but it was a dream and I’m just explaining it) So then I was lay awake for ages thinking of all this! So I flipped onto my other side and then dreamt about a having a boy and didn’t have all those thoughts, just general what it would be like to have a boy! Running around after them, him going training with his dad haha! I’m still not bothered either way but it’s made me more protective towards a girl if it is and more cool to the idea of having a boy. This whole thing however, was not planned. It’s been fate to me this whole time so it’s fate’s decision and no matter what, that child will be the most loved and cared for child you can imagine 💕

Now, Valentine’s Day sucked last year as I was recovering from my Laparoscopy so I said to Mark a year ago, that we’d do something nice this year…. obviously pregnant, I’m limited. So we decided to get a 4D scan done as a joint V-day gift! It was so funny because the baby was just not having any of it! It was upside down with ass in the air, using the placenta as a blanket, 😂😂 playing with the umbilical cord and covering its face with its hands! 😂😂😂 The woman doing the scan was laughing too saying ‘naughty baby’ hahaha! Definitely takes after me then! We got a few shots but going to definitely go back and have another one when I’m about 26 weeks as that’s when they say it’s best to have it done! Was worth it though because every time I see the baby I’m just in complete shock and awe! I find it so cool! I can’t wait until my 20 week scan in a few weeks!!! Then we find out what we are having 👶🏼👶🏼

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