Soooo, we are all established that I can’t wait to have this baby and I will definitely NEVER do this again!!! Honestly week after week there is just always something else to deal with!!! This is week has been particularly shit. Seriously- Lady Gaga cancel’s on me, (obviously not just me but I was fucking gutted) I’ve got sciatica in my left hip which has been fucking painful, I’ve not had tonsil stones since I last mentioned but today, I’ve had 10 in my mouth and my throat is killing, I have oral thrush, (it looks and tastes like I’ve been licking cotton fucking wool, so I’m on antibiotics to get rid of it 🙄) my chest infection is still on going and my hormones are fucking everywhere- I cannot stop bastard crying!!!! 🙄🙄 Honest to god, I cannot wait for labour so all this shit will be over 😂😂 I’m 15 weeks now and in my second trimester which is apparently meant to be the best part of pregnancy?!?!?! I’m struggling to see the fuck how!! The other night, I was chilling on the sofa and then I physically lay there crying my heart out and I mean like proper broke down! I had absolutely no idea why! Then Gaga happened and it was seriously like someone had died! So Mark ended up taking me out to buy baby things we wanted to help cheer me up and took me out for a meal- D I S A S T E R. Firstly because I had to drink mocktails whilst he was drinking proper cocktails…. but it took almost a fucking hour for the food to come and when it did, it was fucking awful! Also they sat us near some sliding doors and although they were shut…. I could feel a right breeze coming through so I had to keep my coat on! So I cried more. I then wanted a Chinese the following night and there was another fuck up because….. I basically decided I hated my hair and wanted to lighten it a bit, so I bought a box dye, (I’ve been dying my own hair since I was 15, I’m now almost 28 so safe to say, I know what I’m doing) well obviously not…… because I mixed it and applied it then went back in the bathroom for something, and found the bottle of fucking colour developer on the side!! I’d not bloody put it in!!!!! Honestly my baby brain is appalling at the moment! So I ended up smothering all that over the stuff that was already sat on my hair- hoping that it would work! As all this is happening, the Chinese had come and by the time I’d gone down to eat it, it was stone cold and unsalvagable. So what did I do? I did what any ‘normal’ pregnant, hormonal woman does! I cried my fucking eyes out and Mark felt so sorry for me that he went out to my favourite Chinese and rebought me what I’d ordered so I could enjoy it! He then ordered me cakeaway!!! Honest to god- I don’t know what I’d do without him!!! I’d absolutely suck doing this without him 😂😂
I don’t even know if any of this I’ve wrote makes sense as my head is literally up my arse at the moment! I don’t know whether I’m coming or bloody going! I feel like I’m Adam Sandler in the film ‘Click’ and I’m on auto pilot, zombie-ing my way through life! I’m currently writing this drinking alcohol free sparkling wine which actually does feel like I’m drinking prosecco thank fucking god! Just so fed up of being bloody ill!!! I’ve never been this fucking ill lol it’s something different every week!!! I know after seeing my baby it’s all worth it, but it’s still bloody hard! I seriously mean that I won’t be having anymore children!! It’s the most challenging thing I have ever done both physically and mentally and I don’t think (in fact I just know) I could do this again! At the same point however- I know I have to be strong for myself and my baby as I already feel very protective. I’m not letting things bother me or getting as stressed as I normally would (and believe me when I say this, there has been a mountain load of personal problems going on behind all this also) because it’s not about me anymore! I said in my previous post about the private scan but I also had my hospital one last week. They mentioned I was 14 weeks and I could see the babies brain and little heart beating however- baby didn’t want to play that day! I had to empty my bladder as the baby wasn’t in a good position (no shit, I’d been dying for a wee for over an hour- poor thing was probably squished) so I did, then walked into the wrong scan room and had to apologise refusely as I’d interrupted someone else’s scan 😂😂 I then had to get back on the bed, cough and wiggle about until the lady who scanned me got what she wanted! Other than that- my tests results e.g. blood and urine tests had all come back fine and they said the worse I feel- the better the baby! Great for some hey!! But all tests have come back and we are at ‘low risk’ for everything 😊💕
Also just to finish off- I don’t think people understand that I am further on in my pregnancy than I am when I write/post these blogs. I am backdating them so I have fresh content to post each week! So any opinions or other shit people feel the need to comment on- then there is no point as this probably happened 2/3 weeks ago!!! I do add/change things before I post (like now) but it’s driving me crazy! I also write them when I’m having a shit time or I feel ill as that’s when I write my best! If I’m happy then you’ll get nothing out of me apart from rainbow and smiles 😂😂 I think the thing that pisses me off the most is the fact that these people who are making little shitty comments or trying to interfere, are the ones who haven’t even congratulated us, nor are they genuinely happy for us. If you are one of those people then here is a big, fat 🖕🏼!!! If I want your advice or opinion on something- I’d ask!! I don’t ever do that anyway as I always know what I want and I’m happy making my own decisions!! So if you have a bullshit, useless comment you wish to make- then tell yourself or get told to fuck off 😊
I only started writing my ‘blog’ in the notes on my phone for myself personally so I didn’t forget everything I’m feeling currently, (many women that I know forget what they experienced and when I talk to them about my experiences, I remind them of things and they love the fact I’m keeping note on it!) and it was only because Mark and my mum read what I was writing and found it hilarious and were telling me to start a blog, that I decided to share it with everyone! (plus to save time repeating myself to everyone who bombards me with questions lol) I’m not to everyone’s cup of tea- I’m the kind of person who laughs at my own jokes, a bit of a weirdo, (ok, a full on weirdo) I suppose you could call me a bit etc eccentric but I treat others how I want to be treated, I’m nice, friendly, outgoing and always smiling (except when I’m pregnant) however, I also don’t stand for shit. I’ve taken enough shit in my life and I don’t wish to take on anymore!
So as you can tell on the post, I’m grumpy, hormonal and can’t be arsed with anyone to be frank! I just wish I could be on my own island with hundreds of cats until I’ve popped….who am I kidding?! I’d never leave!!!!