Ok so being pregnant is a right barrel of laughs…. NOT! I’m constantly tired, no, let’s make that exhausted!! It’s exhausting doing fuck all!!!! Now I’m not being lazy (ok, ok maybe a little) but I’ve been suffering really badly with trapped wind and constipation! I went a week and a half not having a poo!!!! I struggle on this sense anyway, ever since being a child, so I only probably go to the toilet like twice a week if I’m lucky (sorry this is a really unpleasant topic- but everyone has a poo whether you want to believe it or not) and I’ve been referred to the hospital various times for colonoscopies because I’ve bled lots due to haemorrhoids and fissures, so when I do manage to poo, it feels like I’m shitting glass! (sorry again) but since being pregnant, the whole thing is worse!!! Mark has even bought me a ‘squatty potty’ to help me poo (basically a step that gets your body into the correct position for a shit if you haven’t heard of one lol) but I just can’t! Usually a good night on the town and a McDonalds help, but other than a good large quarter pounder meal, I can hardly go round necking tequila like it’s H20! So yes, I’m basically suffering badly with trapped wind and constipation 👍🏻
I also can’t brush my teeth properly without spending an hour hanging over the toilet vomiting and dry heaving! I’ve had to buy children’s toothpaste (yes a grown woman using a Batman bubblegum flavour toothpaste) but luckily it’s working on the sickness front! To be honest I’ve only been sick and felt nauseous a few times for now thank god! The worst was one day when I was craving a chippy ALL day and finally gave in to Just Eat and ordered one for myself. I ate it like I was never going to eat again and half an hour later the £13.49 chippy I was craving, ended up in the bottom of the bog. Fantastic! I’ve not had any odd cravings yet but I’m totally off food I’d normally love to eat! We went for a Chiquito’s one night and I ordered steak fajitas and seriously, took one look at the meat and wanted to vomit! Normally I’m like Hannibal Lecture when it comes to meat (sorry if your vegan) but I love my steak rare and I absolutely love sushi (not that I can eat that for a while) but I can’t even bring myself to look at anything like that at the moment! I drink coffee religiously every morning- to the point where I can’t function without one! Can’t even drink that, I switched to tea! I had a mad urge to eat toast which I never eat haha! Weird isn’t it! Wonder if I start craving soap or other odd stuff soon!
The WORST part: HORMONES!!! One minute I’m a sweet, cuddly teddy bear and the next I’m imagining I’m Voldemort, wishing I could ‘Avada Kedavra’ every muggle around me (so yeah that’s pretty much everyone around me) but then the next, I’m tagged in a lovely animal video on Facebook (mainly to do with cats as everyone knows I’m a crazy cat lady) and that’s it, I’m a blithering wreck on the sofa, lay in my 12 foot maternity pillow which Mark calls Baymax haha! My skin is dreadful- I literally never get spots. Ever. And suddenly, my chin looks like it’s formed a new galaxy! I might look all girly with makeup and extensions etc but I don’t look after my skin because I’ve never really needed too! Just a baby wipe will suffice normally, but not at the moment!!! I went to the Body Shop and a Spanish lady recommended all the Aloe Vera range and some tea tree oil for the spots and I’ve been using it for 4 days now and my spots are slowly fading but only slightly! Also Bio oil is my new best friend! I’ve just been rubbing it all over my hips and bum after I’ve had a bath haha! I always thought your skin is meant to glow whilst pregnant- the only glow is on my forehead from Botox! So I can’t wait in a way until the ‘glow’ appears and certainly until my hair starts growing!!!!! Haha selfish reasons for being pregnant really isn’t it!
It’s mad really though, how much your body changes. I swear to god, throughout the whole of November when I would have been pregnant and not known- I had no symptoms what so ever until I was due on and didn’t start! The second I did the test and had the check up, I felt pregnant immediately!! My boobs were killing, the whole sickness and constipation, heart palpitations oh and don’t forget the sense of smell…. I swear it is psychological!! I’m 8 weeks as I’m writing this and I already have a bump! People keep saying ‘Ooh it’s not twins is it?’ There are twins on both sides of my family which have skipped two generations and on Mark’s family- guess what, fucking twins on his side! I’m doomed 😂😂 I’m hoping it is just the one and maybe the ‘twin’ is actually just poo! I’ve not told many people as of yet that I’m pregnant as I don’t have my first midwife appointment until 8th January and that’s when we will announce it to everyone as I want to make sure everything is ok beforehand! I wanted to wait as long as I can but I don’t think I can pass off that I’ve just ate too many mince pies! I have a proper bump! So I’m just wearing baggy clothes and I actually went and spent a bit in H&M on their maternity wear (just leggings and tshirts- honestly, all other maternity wear is fucking horrendous) so I’m comfy! I’m currently living in black, wearing scarves and baggy hoodies so no one can actually notice too much yet! I’m shite at keeping secrets too so if I’ve seen you and not told you, I’m sorry! Hahahaha! It’s not that I don’t trust people to blab (as yes, a family member did which I was fucking raging at) it’s my body, my baby and I have to make sure the baby and myself are healthy! If god forbid something happened, I can’t be arsed with fake attention and sympathy, so I’d want to deal with it in my own way, on my own! I’ve got through all the trauma I’ve ever experienced on my own because I don’t need anyone else! I’m a tough bitch! Well, I was before I turned pregnant 😂😂 even Mark is taking the piss at how much of a girl I’m acting at the moment!
The ironic thing is- after a family member blabbed, the next day, me and my dad were involved in a car incident where some daft bitch reversed straight into my dads car in a car park! I was in shock at first and we ended up going into the store not thinking anything about it and then I thought, ‘Fuck, what do I do?!’ So I ended up going to A&E to make sure all was ok, which thank god the baby was! My right neck, shoulder and arm doesn’t agree however and the worst thing is- I can only take flipping paracetamol and use a wheat bag!! Thank god the in-laws to be gave me one the other day! I didn’t know that I wouldn’t even be allowed to use deep heat! So yes, reasons like this is why I wanted to keep it quiet! Also, we wanted to be as excited as other people who will be excited for us when we share the news!!! Sorry but the news had to actually sink in for ourselves first! I’ve already decided that I won’t be doing this ever again- I don’t think I physically or emotionally could do this again! So one and one only for us (unless it is twins, then we’re fucked haha) and I really want a hysterectomy afterwards, I am not even kidding!!
Oh and how ironic I forgot this point: Baby brain!!!! I actually didn’t intend on forgetting this point hahaha I swear to you!!!! It’s bloody awful! Even writing this I’m having to keep coming back to it to add stuff I’ve forgot to mention that I wanted to write down! I told Mark before that I could smell a metallic, mint smell and he’s laughing at me as if I’ve taken Thai magic mushrooms!! So he was like ‘Make sure you write that down!’ Back to baby brain though lol, I mean I’m shit at remembering stuff anyway whether it’s taking antibiotics at certain times, forgetting my inhaler or bank card when I go out- forgetting my sodding ID so I can’t buy my cigarettes (least I don’t have to worry about that again!) but this is bad!!!! I walk into a room and can’t remember what I’ve gone in for, I tell Mark something and he’s like ‘you’ve already told me!’ I genuinely didn’t think I had haha!!! Now obviously I only forget when it’s about myself- if it’s something for someone else like Mark or one of the kids I look after, I’m on the ball with it! But I know how important it is to take your vitamins when pregnant e.g. Folic Acid- so far I’m doing ok with them but I’ve been sat here wondering whether I have taken one or not so I have to check with Mark! He’s always on at me to take better care of myself- ‘drink water’, ‘come to the gym’, he even checks before I leave the house that I’ve got my keys, phone, purse, inhaler haha bless him! Don’t actually know what I’d be doing right now without him! He’s my bloody rock!!