Two Pink Lines


Nothing hits you harder than seeing two lines appear on a pregnancy test. One minute your sat there thinking about how many martinis your going to plough through at the weekend and the next minute, you think, fuck! I’m going to a Mum!

Nothing prepares you for the moment, let me tell you! Whether you’ve planned your pregnancy or your like me- completely unplanned. Without even realising it, your just like wow, what the actual fuck and every single thought appears in your brain! Hormones for you and WOW they are a son of a bitch!!!

I’m making sure I document every single thing me and my body are going through because I actually never wanted children so I’m making sure I don’t put myself through this again- not going to bullshit anyone! I work with children 60+ hours a week. Now I love kids obviously, but the thought of being stuck around kids 24/7 makes me feel slightly ill. Everytime people would say to me and Mark, ‘Oh do you not have any of your own?’ Our answer was always: Hmmm NO! We’re clever enough to give them back and have our evenings and weekends free 😂😂 Or the dreaded question, ‘Aww you two would make fantastic parents, when are you going to have children?’ Maybe when the world ends Sandra! Who actually knows!! But seriously, my answer to everyone was- imagine your career: Let’s just say your a hairdresser- would you want to work 12 hours in a salon and then come home and do all your friends/families hair in the evenings and all weekend? The answer is most probably, no, and if it is then fair play to you! I’m not trying to say that working with children is the hardest job in the whole entire world- but it is physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting sometimes!!! The amount of times people have said, ‘It’s different when you have your own’, which yes, I can imagine it is, but the idea doesn’t sound as easy as that in my personal opinion! Who knows, it might be because of our job, I mean, me and Mark know exactly what kids are like! The good, the bad and the downright ugly!! We know what to expect….

So anyway, you get the jist, I was not expecting this! There I was on the Saturday night (well Sunday morning) strolling in at 06:04am after doing karaoke (yes, I was sounding like a strangled cat singing 4 Non Blondes) and then there I was on a Tuesday morning, taking a pregnancy test as I’d had a week of period pain, but hadn’t started. It didn’t register to me as my periods are a right state of affairs- I’ve always suffered horrendously with them when I started at 11 and never been on when I’m meant too, I’ve taken pregnancy tests at home and at the doctors quite a few times before as I’ve not started when I should have, and I’ve been a complete paranoid wreck, but they were always negative! I even had a laparoscopy in February to see if I had endometriosis due to the amount of abnormal and painful periods I experience, but no! No answer apart from it’s my body and it’s ‘normal’. Grrrrreeeeeeeaaaat! I’ve been put on every single contraception pill going and the only one that seemed better for me (not actually regarding periods, obviously otherwise I wouldn’t be in this situation haha, and pain but for hormones) was Loestrin. So that’s what I’ve been on since March after my operation and still my periods have been all over etc! I’ve been prescribed Mefenamic acids and Naproxen for the pain, so when I didn’t start when I was due, I just kind of thought, oh great, here we go, this fucker will be a right painful one when I do start! Then literally over next few days, still nothing but crampy, period pain so I took my tablets as normal because I didn’t know much different! So obviously, after a week of still no period, I got into my usual state of panic so I sent Mark to the shop. He was like, ‘I’m not wasting any more money on bastard tests when you won’t be’ but of course, I always win 🤪 so he comes back from the shop with Reece’s peanut butter cups and milk so it wasn’t a ‘complete waste of a journey’ then passes me the test out of the bag and said ‘£100 pound says your not pregnant’.

‘Babe, you owe me £100’. *Hears running up the stairs* ‘What?!’ I come out the bathroom, clutching the stick, tears rolling down my face because I really didn’t expect it, and he’s like ‘let me see’ eagerly trying to take it off me to make sure I’m 100% correct and then realises too that I’m right. And yeah, wow! Major, major shock. Wedding all booked for January 2019, our own business is just over a year old and doing really well so we’ve been talking of expansion, wanting to move homes, travel a bit more together: so many plans involving just the two of us and now it’s all going to change…. Our heads were completely up our arses! We booked into an early pregnancy clinic to find out how far gone I was, because I couldn’t even remember when my period was the month before, even though I’m positive I had one, but I also wanted to check if I was healthy because obviously about a year ago, we didn’t even think it was possible for me to have a baby! So yes, I had an early scan to discover that I was actually 6 weeks pregnant!!! Another major shock as that actually meant I fell pregnant around Halloween (hello Michael Myers 😳) which we were like ‘WTF’ because I’m absolutely sure that I had a period since then and now! We were only expecting me to be a week or two! Another spanner in the works! I think I spent that time whole, entire week just like a zombie!

Now the realisation of everything and the initial shock has gone: We’re both like, ‘We can do this’ and both feel at the stage where we are mentally and physically ready for this! (Well, my body might disagree as whilst I’m writing this, I feel like death!) Don’t get me wrong, it’s still shit scary! All we’ve done is talk about everything, hopes, fears etc to the point where we cannot physically talk anymore otherwise we sound like a stuck record! We’re extremely happy together and have been for 5 years, we’re getting married in a year, we own a home and business together, we’re in a better position than most people are when they start out…..So yeah- now we’re going to be parents!!! FUUUUCK!

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